Valentine's Day Plan
by AngelsAndShadows
Summary: L dislikes Valentine's Day. Mello wants L to buy him chocolate. Valentine's Day crack. Just getting the crazies out to continue writing my new story 'Curiosity Killed the Gnat'.


**Just something to prepare to continue ****writing my other story. This isn't even really rolling-on-the-floor-laughing-funny, more like breathe-a-bit-heavier-through-your-nose funny.**

* * *

The entire gang was hanging out inside the task force for some unknown reason.

"Ryuzaki, it's finally Valentine's Day! Don't you have someone special to spend time with?" Matsuda asked gleefully.

"I do not. I find the entire holiday would be a waste of time if it wasn't for the candy," said L, dropping an abnormal- or I guess normal -amount more of sugar in to a cup of sugar- I mean tea.

"I'LL BE YOUR VALENTINE, L!" came a yell as Beyond Birthday crazily made a mad dash into the room and flung his arms around L's leg, despite that he was supposed to be in jail. L just looked unfazed and unamused. "No thank you, I appreciate the offer though," L said without looking down. "Watari, could you please get B off my leg?"

"OH YEAH I CAN! AND YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I AM WHAA-TAHH-REEE!" he yelled. Everyone else stared at the old man. "Oh I am terribly sorry. I thought my medication looked a bit different today."

"Well," Light started, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "I for one agreed to take Misa on a date. _Me knows why_…"

"That's great, Light! I'm taking my cousin out shopping with her friend. We do this every year," said Matsuda.

"Wow.. that's sad.. you can't even get a proper date," said Matt, ignoring the illogic of him being there instead of at the orphanage.

"I personally-" L started.

"Hey, I can totally get a proper date."

"I personally-" L tried again.

"Whatever you say.."

"I personally-" he tried again.

"OMG where is my phone?" (Watari)

That was the final straw. L got all angry Afro Man style. "WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME AS I COMPLAIN AND TELL YOU THAT I REALLY DON'T CARE?!" he yelled. Everyone except B made a o.O face (B was too busy trying to find a spork to use as a laptop. Don't even try to understand it, he's probably insane). L took that as a sign to continue. "I personally dislike this holiday. I don't really care about all the 'love'."

"What!?" Mello yelled. "But it's the most wonderful time of the year! Time to give flowers and chocolate to the people you love! And me! Wait, Matt, you're getting me chocolate this year, right?" "Yeah, sure." "Ok, just making sure."

"The gifts are only money to businesses." Hah, as if that explained it.

"It's too bad L doesn't like Valentine's Day," Matsuda said disappointed. "Don't worry," said Mello."have a plan to make L get me choc- I mean like Valentine's Day."

L sat and stared as he watched the others discussing something loudly in a small fort made out of Legos.

"Here Matt, you do it." "No way, Mells. If I get caught, I'm so dead. Dead people can't buy you chocolate." "How about we vote Light does it." "OK, agreed."

Kira- I mean Light -looked up from his Seventeen magazine. "What? You mean this story actually has a plot? I thought the author was just venting off her giggles for the new 'Curiosity Killed the Gnat' story. Not that I'm advertising or anything," he said, unaware that the author was disappointedly looking at him.** (It's not advertising if he says it!)**

"YO YO YO! WHAA-TAHH-REE HERE SAYIN' YOUR GONNA DO IT!" said a very refined Watari.

"Light, all you need to do is put these in L's su- I mean tea," said some-other-task-force-guy-whose-name-no-one-remembers

* * *

"Hey L…" said Light Supreme-God-Face

"Light, if you're planning to drop those sleeping pills in my sug- I mean tea -it's not going to work."

Light wouldn't give up though. Light never gave up. Do you see horses I've up? No, they become unicorns. Light will become a unicorn. He thought fast… Like when pancakes Miheal (reference time FTW).

"Wellifyoulookoverthereyoulls eeagiantreplicaofCandyLandan dPinkiePiecombined," Light said, completely serious. L looked over immediately. He loved Pinkie Pie. She was just so happy and energetic. Like himself.

"Light dropped the pill things into L's sugar **(don't even try denying that it's not just sugar moistened with tea)**. They looked like they were from the packet of Rockets Matt was eating before.

"Light, you lied about Pinkie Pie. I hate you now. You're now 99% guilty of using too much hair gel. Oh, and while there's a 67% chance you just used that as a distraction to put the pills in my sugar, I'm just going to drink it anyways. And you know why? because I can,' said L.

L passed out instantly.

* * *

L looked around. The world was spinning and foggy. He immediately reached up to clean the glasses on his face. L didn't remember putting his glasses on.

He looked in a nearby mirror, Falling over twice (dizziness and being hunched over are a bad combo). L's glasses were lime green with cat ears on them. These ones were pink and in the shape of hearts.

"Wow, where are my greens?" L exclaimed, not realizing the irony in it.

There was a puff of smoke and then the sound of someone coughing.

"Jeez, Misa, did you try cooking, again?" they said between coughs. While Misa was not present- due to everyone being unable to stand her annoyingness -the kitchen was actually on fire. But not to worry, WHAHH-TAHH-REE was currently putting it out. Because Watari is Batman.

The smoke cleared and L could see a man wearing a pink dress with glitter and wings on his back. "Welcome L," he said.

"OHMIGOD it's the TOOTHFAIRY!" L squealed. Anyone who left him money for his teeth rotting out from the amount of sugar intake was definitely good in his books.

"WHAT?" yelled Matsuda. "DARN YOU! I HOPE YOU HAVE THE MOST RIDICULOUS DEATH OF ALL TIME! LIKE… like… like.. LLAMAS!" Because you know, having a llama death would be lame **(or I guess 'llame'. Get it? ... I'll show myself out…)**.

"No, I am not the Tooth Fairy. I am Kira- I mean Sparkles, the fairy of… Line? Oh right, I am the fairy of Valentine's Past," said the man now known as Sparkles.

"Are you going to show me my past or something, totally-not-Kira?" asked a extremely dizzy L.

"Umm.. sure."

* * *

"And this is Valentine's Day two years ago," the fairy said boringly.

"Oh, now who is _that _sexy beast?" L asked. "That would be you. How come you're working in every flashback?" said Sparkles.

"It's my job. I must protect my Sims from dying. And I wasn't working in every flashback, what about the one from 5 years ago? Watari and I-"

"Don't remind me."

* * *

The fairly of Valentine's Past quickly brought them back to the present in their time machine that randomly came out of nowhere and disappeared.

It was at this point that L realized he was wearing a skirt over his puff of smoke appeared.

"Oh, that's what that does…"

L turned to the similar looking young man with red eyes. **(And you thought I forgot about him!)**

The man fidgeted around with the black strapless dress and fairy wings he was wearing.

"I'm the fairy of Valentine's present. I'll… OMG I LOVE YOU L! BE MINE! L-" the fairy was suddenly pulled from the scene leaving the skirt-wearing L to stare in extreme WTF.

"Ok," said Mello. "That plan failed. But luckily," Mello and Matt turned and smiled at each other. "We have plan B," the chocoholic finished as the gamer said "We can have pancakes."

* * *

L was putting his hair in ponytails when he heard the sound of harps.

He turned to see a contraption pulling along the ceiling a rope tied to a boy wearing wing and holding a bow and arrow. The boy was Near.

"I don't want to be here right now," Near/Cupid said, being dragged along on the rope.

"Near? What are you doing? And why is Matsuda's hand being eating by an afro?" L asked.

"Ok, that's it. You're buying Mello chocolate," Near/Cupid said as he shot the arrow at L.

He passed out immediately.

* * *

L woke up suddenly.

Mello and B were staring at him intensely.

"Just take the chocolate. Don't hang Near from the ceiling. Why am I wearing high heels?"

* * *

Mello's plan: success!

Happy Valentine's Day!

* * *

**Please watch for my new story Curiosity Killed the Gnat.**

**I don't own Death Note or anything else.**


End file.
